"Insert slur here"

I HATE YOU!!!

how can three words cause so much hurt and turmoil?  these past few weeks i've read and heard countless stories of teens and young adults that are so tormented that they have taken their own lives...why?   why do we continue to allow bullying to happen?  why do we sit by and watch when we could be doing something?

and seriously, if i have to hear ONE more adult blow it off as, "well, bullying/teasing is just a part of life, everyone goes through it"...BULLSHIT!  that is NOT an excuse!  bullying does not have to be a tolerated part of anyone's life.  and yes, i say this as an adult that was teased and bullied unmercifully as a child, teen, and young adult...and no, i don't think it was "just a part of my life" and no, i haven't gotten over it...

i have been called every word synonymous for fat...i've been called a slut, i've been called a whore, i've been called many, many names...did i deserve them?  absolutely not...i don't care if i or anyone else were to weigh a bridge limit...who the HELL has the right to call me or anyone else a durogatory name because of it?  who gave these people permission to make fun of anyone?  oh, it's just in fun...again, i say BULLSHIT!  when you are eleven years old and contemplating suicide, it's not fun...when you are trying to figure out how to get a gun to blow your head off because you cannot take one more day of going to school and hearing everyone in your class call you fat or a lesbian or a fag or a moron or retarded or....(insert slur here)...it is NOT okay...it is NOT just a part of life...it is NOT something to just "get over"...

you can beat me to a pulp and my bruises will heal, but you call me one name and i will carry that forever...

i can walk into any school in this country and i will hear and see children being bullied...do i have some sort of special "bully detector"?  no, i have ears that hear and eyes that see...just like all of you do...i don't care how great any school claims to be or how tolerant or how much they claim to have a respectful environment...SOMEONE at that school is being bullied...but i wonder, who will listen...who will hear...who will do something about it...will it take some child to kill himself or to be the fatal victim of someone's hate before anything is done?  and then what will be the excuse for waiting so long?  "oh, we didn't know...nothing like this has ever happened here before"...and seriously, no offense to guidance counselors and school psychiatrists, but you are going to be the last person a child who is being tormented is going to come to freely...when you are bullied, there is so much shame...and to have to admit that to someone else, especially an adult...you just can't imagine how horrible that is...and how hard that is...and how much that child would just like you to be their ears and eyes for them and confront their tormentor for them...

a lot of times, people tend to blow off someone being bullied because they think that person is a "wimp" and should just toughen up...really?  hmmm...let's see how well you'd "toughen up" in this scenario:

this child didn't sleep much the night before because their stomach was in such a knot knowing they could not get out of having to go to school in the morning...there is so much anxiety they can hardly get dressed without gagging...walking to the school bus stop brings the child to tears knowing that as soon as their foot hits the first step of the bus, the bullying will start...the bus comes and sure enough, someone starts "oh, don't sit by *** because she's a lesbian and she'll do stuff to you"...finally finding a seat, the child just tries to keep it together and trying hard to not make eye contact with anyone because "looking" at someone only brings on more taunts...getting to school, the child is tripped while getting off the bus...but, what's new...trudging into school, the child climbs the stairs to her classroom, only to hear the whispers and snickers of her classmates...opening her locker, she finds a piece of paper taped to the shelf...the child opens it and it reads... "all the girls in the sixth grade are invited to *** party but you because you're gay and a lesbian and we don't want you to do stuff to us...ha ha"...the girl fights back tears and crumples up the note...going into the classroom she is greeted by more taunts and jeers, of course under their breath so the teacher doesn't hear...although, not sure how she couldn't as she's standing RIGHT there...the girl takes her seat and the two girls who have desks on either side of her immediately move theirs away from her...just so "she won't touch them"...one of the girls makes a comment to one of the boys about how lucky he is that he's a boy and "she" can't do anything to him...this goes on until lunchtime, where the girl sits alone...AGAIN...for the third month in a row...although, she keeps to herself, it doesn't stop others from coming by her to make comments...this comment she still remembers to this day "there's three groups of girls...there's them (the popular girls), there's us (the sorta popular girls) and there's ***"...outside on the playground the girls sits by herself...again, avoiding anyone else, but yet still having to hear the comments, taunts, and jeers from the others...the afternoon goes much like the morning...finally school is over and the girl goes home...only to spend another sleepless night dreading tomorrow...

if you haven't guessed...this girl was me...in sixth grade...i am 42 years old and still carry the hurt from all those years ago...and to this day, i still don't know what i did or said to deserve them...i have never been a lesbian, not that i have anything against lesbians, i just wasn't one...HELL, i didn't even know what the word meant and i was being called one...

so yes, i understand first hand how horribly cruel others can be and how devastating bullying can be...because of everything that happened that year, i put on weight over the summer and in seventh grade i got to enjoy the comments, taunts, and jeers of being fat...yeah, that was fun...

i still find it interesting that the two occasions that i finally had enough and stood up for myself, i got in trouble for hitting the other person...not that i am condoning violence as a means to end bullying...it obviously didn't help me anyway...

over the years i have heard countless stories worse than mine from those that were taunted...and no, it doesn't get easier hearing them...i think of my beautiful friend that confided in me that all he wanted to do was kill himself as a teen because he couldn't take it anymore and all i can say is HOW DARE YOU to those who taunted him...how dare you think for one second that you had the right to hurt this person...this human being...this beautiful, amazing person that i love dearly...i think about all those beautiful, amazing people out there that are being hurt every day that just can't take it anymore and find their only way out...i am angry that because of someone else, i could have lost my friend...and others have lost friends and family because of the bullies...

i haven't shared the story of my sixth grade year very often, and certainly not in such a public manner, and i don't do it now for sympathy...i am doing so because 31 years later, i think about it and my heart still hurts and i still cry...

PLEASE...if anything, get involved!  be the eyes and ears for those who are being bullied and tormented and hurt...bullying takes place EVERYWHERE...schools, places of worship, work...we cannot stand back anymore and let someone else do it for us...we have to be willing to stand up for someone else...lives are depending upon us...

please stand in the gap for someone today...take care of each other...