i've been thinking a lot lately about life and direction and the past and regrets and all those things i tend to think about when i'm alone...and it's quiet...and there's nothing to watch on tv...and another birthday has reared its head...
i've come to some realizations...i want the last half of my life to be richer than the first...i want to be fearless, i want to be someone's hero, i want to be an inspiration and i want to be productive...i've spent too many of my days looking back wishing things were different, wishing i'd made better choices, that if only i could go back in time i could right all the wrongs...but now i know that that's just an excuse not to move on in my life today...i'm feeling ready to break that record over my knee, you know the one, that keeps playing the same mantra over and over and over...
there are still so many things that i want to accomplish, places i want to go, people i want to meet, but i can't do it just by talking about it...i have to actually act upon it...and that's scary...what if i fail...or even worse, what if i succeed...if i succeed will people expect more of me than i can expect of myself...will they hold me to such a high regard that i can't measure up time and again...i don't want to let anyone down...not anymore...
i think about all the things i've done in my life that required me to step out in faith and take a leap and it somewhat overwhelms me...perhaps i am just enough of a rebel...just enough of a fool to not worry about the consequences and to just jump and know that someone will catch me...i want to once again soar and feel the wind on my face and scream with exhilaration...
these past couple of years have been ones that have kept me tethered to the ground in that mucky place of ick...but things have changed and new opportunities present themselves to me every day...it's my choice if i want to cut the tether or blame someone else because they didn't cut it for me...hey, you, over there....HAND ME THE SCISSORS...i'm ready to fly.
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